A group of kids knocked on my door on Halloween. Trick or treaters.
Even before they reached the door, I could hear them approaching, egging each other on.
I tried to ignore their knocking and incessant ringing of the bell, the little shits, but eventually gave in and went to meet them.
“Trick or treat,” they chorused, a motley mixture of rubber masks and whited out faces smeared with fake blood and chocolate and one who hadn’t bothered.
There really should be an age limit for trick and treaters. These were clearly a bunch of kids with nothing better to do other than go around causing trouble.
I sized them up, standing out there in the mizzle.
“I haven’t got any treats,” I said, having not planned ahead. “But help yourself to” – I looked around to see what they could have – “leaves,” I said, seeing the wind-blown drifts of them blown up against my wall.
“If you ain’t got no treats,” Frankenstein said from behind their wonky mask they kept adjusting, “then you get a trick, innit.” Frankenstein shook their can of silly string at me, releasing a puffed gasp of string that dribbled from the end of the can while their face slid sideways again.
“Yeah, don’t do that,” I said, standing squarely in the doorway. I looked at them each in turn. They were clearly prepared to kick off, holding their gunge and eggs. “Alright. Wait there.” I closed the door and headed to the kitchen.
What did I have to get them off my case? I looked at the cake I’d baked earlier, still cooling on the wire rack.
If that’s what it takes for them to not trash the place . . .
I cut them each a slice of my space cake, put the pieces on napkins, and headed back to the door.
They didn’t seem that impressed as I handed it out to them. But they knew the rules: they’d had their treat, now they had to fuck off.
I closed the door on their slightly puzzled faces and thought nothing more of it.
Less than half an hour later, they were back again, knocking on my door before bursting into fits of giggles.
“We need more cake,” said Frankenstein, bringing a fresh round of hilarity before Wednesday Addams, the smallest of the lot, pushed past me into the house.
Once they were inside, there was no getting rid of them. Within a moment, they were gathered in the sitting room in front of the episode of Spongebob I’d been watching.
They kept asking for food so, finally relenting, I handed out smaller slices of my space cake this time, in bowls, with a dribble of cream, topped with blueberries and garnished with a couple of mint leaves.
There wasn’t much chat while they ate, absorbed as they were with the TV.
“I want to go into finance,” once of the kids said out of the blue, a bump in the gathering of monged out children.
We all looked at him, sitting there holding a lollipop in front of him like a tiny microphone.
After a momentary delay, a new round of giggling began.
We were all laughing.
I was pretty monged too, giving no thought at all to the trouble I was about to get into, while I chewed on one their Percy Pigs.
vss #79
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