I was sitting in the bath, reading a comic, when I thought I heard tapping at the window.
Assuming it was a bored branch, I ignored it.
But the tapping continued.
When I couldn’t take it any longer, I folded my comic, thinking, Maybe it’s that bloody crow again, and drew back the curtain.
It turned out that the tapping wasn’t a crow, nor a branch. A vampire was floating out there.
My reflection confirmed my panicked look, floating alongside the vampire two storeys up.
“I’m not going to let you in,” I said, a sucker for the rules, “so you might as well bugger off.”
“I don’t want to come in,” the vampire replied. “I was just wondering if you were looking for a window cleaner. I’ve started a new business.”
“Oh yeah,” I replied. “Doing what?”
“Erm.” Hovering out in the darkness, I noticed the vampire squirm. “Are you . . . joking?”
“Your business,” I replied. “You said you’ve started a new business. What is it?”
“Uhm . . . cleaning windows,” said the vampire.
Immediately, I could see I’d been daft, and I didn’t need my reflection to confirm it.
“One of the lads down the street does my windows,” I said to the vampire.
“Ah, no bother,” said the vampire. “Sorry to interrupt your bath.”
“Wait” – the vampire floated back to the window – “Why didn’t you just come to the door?” I asked, lowering my hand with the comic in it down the outside of the tub. “Not many people are going to employ you if you keep floating up to their windows.”
“I did try the door,” the vampire replied, “but you didn’t answer. So, seeing the light on, I thought I’d try up here.”
“Makes sense.” I made a squeaking sound as I adjusted myself in the bath. “But I’d like to finish my bath in peace, if that’s alright with you.”
“Yeah,” said the vampire. “Sure. Before I head off, though, you don’t happen to know the way to Cedar Street, do you? A friend is hosting a record night, but I’ve lost my bearings.”
The vampire flashed a record that was dangling in his hand. I think it was INXS.
“Cedar Street? A couple of streets over,” I said, waving in the vague direction of it. “I’d just go over the houses, if I were you.”
“Diamond.” The vampire tapped a hand to his temple in salute. “Enjoy your bath.”
After a glance down into the tub, I watched him float off up over the house as I’d suggested.
My bubbles were somewhat depleted, so I squeezed in a squirt of Matey and topped up the hot water.
Opening my comic, I hesitated before continuing to read. A thought had begun to nag my mind.
“Maybe I’ll become a vampire,” I said aloud. “Or a window cleaner.”
The rubber duck slowly span around to face me, possibly after a bumping into a bubble.
“Or both,” I said, looking down at it.
I’m not saying the duck nodded.
vss #76
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