The bowl had been stuck on my head for most of my life.
I couldn’t remember a time when I didn’t have a bowl on my head.
It didn’t impede my vision or cause me any pain and had never been much of a bother — although I did sometimes bonk it when playing sports, except table sports like ping pong and pool.
But I could use it to my advantage too.
It was a metal mixing bowl, which meant I could balance things on top of it, tap cutlery against it to get people’s attention. And it was perfect for stretching pizza dough.
Being made of metal, though, I had to be careful when there was lightning around. And sometimes the sunlight would flash from it into people’s eyes. Not to mention bumping heads when kissing.
Having a bowl stuck fast on my head didn’t limit job opportunities, except for those that involved hats as part of their uniform. As such, the army turned me down, because they didn’t have a helmet that fit over the bowl. Arguing that the bowl was a sort of helmet turned out to be futile.
They sure do know how to argue, those army boys.
I consulted the world’s best bowl specialists to see how I might remove the bowl, to no avail. Having exhausted all brands of soaps and washing up liquids, the only solution was surgery, which I wasn’t keen on.
So I just left it and learned to kiss like a chimpanzee.
In the end, the bowl just popped off when I was banging my head against the wall.
I didn’t notice it had gone until I banged my actual head against the wall, while the bowl clattered to my feet.
It took some getting used to not having the bowl on my head. For a while I’d catch myself still trying to spread pizza dough over my flat hair.
But my kissing technique I still use to this day. It’s remarkably effective.
And as for the bowl? It didn’t take long for it to reacquaint itself with being a bowl, albeit slightly dented from when I was banging it against the wall.
I’m so happy that I can go and stand out in lightning storms now, having never been able to experience it before.
The thing I miss most about having a bowl on my head is how snugly the hood of anoraks sat over it. So I do sometimes still pop it back on when there’s rain about, and I’ve got my coat on.
vss #72
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This is really cute!
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